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Oh, and the cars—Lawd, the cars! Sleek, shiny, purrin’ like a cat on a hot tin roof. Makes me wanna yell, “I’m alive, darlin’!” like Adam in the flick. But then, oops—traffic jam. Sittin’ there, stuck, lookin’ dumb. Ain’t that a kick in the head? Escort’s s’posed to be quick, not leave me prayin’ for Jesus to take the wheel!

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Then, outta nowhere, this huge dude steps up. I mean, like, he’s got muscles on his muscles. I’m thinkin’, “Great, I’m gonna get my face smashed in.” But I can’t back down now. So, I step into the ring. The crowd’s goin’ nuts, and I’m just tryin’ to keep my cool.

Ukrainian school reopens thanks to UNICEF grant