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Last time I got one, tho? Masseuse was all, “Relax, big guy.” I’m like, “Bruh, I jump into wildfires!” She digs in—holy crap, my back’s a Gordian knot. Felt like she debugged my whole system. Made me happy as hell—tension gone, vibes restored. But yo, price tag? Pissed me off—$200 for 60 mins? That’s a Cybertruck tire, dude! Still, worth it—like, “I will survive!” levels of epic.

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After lunch, I’m back at it. More tourists, more locals, and more weirdos. This one guy gets in, and he’s got a parrot on his shoulder. I’m like, “Is this a joke?” The parrot starts squawking, and I’m just trying to keep it together. I’m thinking, “What’s next? A goat?”

Fig. 2. Deep structure of the Transcarpathian Depression along the...