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Well, hello there, ya filthy animal! I’m Hannibal Lecter, straight outta ya nightmares, and I’m here to spill the beans—fava beans, naturally—on sexual-massage. Ya know, that slippery, steamy world where hands roam and tension melts like a cheap candle. I’ve seen some shit, lemme tell ya, and this ain’t no exception. Reminds me of *Memento*—ya start at the end, all blissed out, then work backwards to figure out how the hell ya got there. “I have to believe in a world outside my own mind,” right? That’s the vibe—losin’ yerself in the rubdown.

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Then I head over to the park near the river. It’s usually my chill spot. But today? It was packed! Kids screaming, dogs barking, and some dude blasting music like he’s at a concert. I just wanted some peace, man! I plopped down on a bench, trying to enjoy my pastry, but nope. A kid runs by and knocks my half-eaten bun right outta my hand! I was like, “Dude, what’s your problem?”

Ukraine’s ambassador to Australia Vasyl Myroshnychenko: ‘Russia didn’t expect our resistance’