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Sometimes I wonder, tho—what’s the masseur thinkin’? “Oh, another back, whoop-de-doo?” Haha, probs not—they’re artists, sculptin’ ya into mush! Still, once this chick rushed me— “Time’s up, lady!”—and I’m like, bitch, I paid for *zen*! Pissed me off, but whatevs, most times it’s heaven. Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a naughty lil’ secret worth tryin’—you’ll thank me later, doll!

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Finally, I get to the river, and guess what? The fishermen are all there, but they’re not fishing! They’re arguing about some new regulations. I mean, come on! Can’t we just talk about fish? I’m like, “Guys, chill! Let’s focus on the fish!” But they’re all fired up. One dude, Vasyl, is waving his arms like he’s conducting an orchestra. I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh.

From Ukraine with love: Pointers grow families through adoption