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So, this one time, I’m sprawled out, dim lights, some weird incense burnin’. She’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m like, “This ain’t no regular rub!” Made me happy as hell—tension gone, muscles singin’! But then—BOOM—she’s whisperin’ sweet nothings, tryna upsell me. Pissed me off! I ain’t no cash cow, lady! Reminds me of *A History of Violence*—ya think it’s chill, then WHAM, hidden chaos! “You’re a wild man, Tom,” she says—nah, I’m just tryna relax, not star in your porno!

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But then, I see a kid trying to catch fish with a net that’s way too big for him. I can’t help it. I walk over and give him some tips. “Dude, you gotta be stealthy! Fish are smart!” He’s all ears, and I’m feeling like a proud mentor.

Belarus: Ales Bialiatski, a caged Nobel Peace Prize winner