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Last week, my buddy Dave—dumb as a stump—tried it. Said it was “spiritual,” like he’s some guru now. I told him, “You’re an idiot, Dave.” He’s lyin’ there, candles flickerin’, some chick whisperin’ about “energy flow”—I’d gag if I wasn’t so damn annoyed. “What am I doing here?” Bob Harris’d say, stuck in that weird hotel bar. That’s me, watchin’ Dave blab about his “release.” Release? From what, sanity? I hate everything.

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The streets are packed! Artists everywhere, spray paint flying, and the walls are coming alive. I see this mural of a giant chicken wearing sunglasses. I’m like, “What’s the deal with the chicken?” Turns out, it’s a local legend. Apparently, there was a chicken that saved a kid from drowning. I mean, only in Voronovytsya, right?