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Aight, listen up, you bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, Program Director, respect my authoritah! So, escort, huh? Man, what a trip—like somethin’ outta *Inherent Vice*, ya know? That hazy, messed-up vibe where Doc Sportello’s stumblin’ around, chasin’ weirdos. Escort’s got that same wild energy, dude. Cars, man—fast, sleek, sexy as hell. Makes me wanna scream, “I’m not a pussy, I’m a badass!” But lemme tell ya bout this beast—Ford Escort, right? Not some lame hooker joke, nah, the car, idiots!
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First stop, the market on Shevchenka. I’m cruisin’ through, dodgin’ babushkas like it’s an Olympic sport. They’re all about their fresh veggies, but I’m just tryna find some cheap bread. I swear, I saw this one lady haggling over a cabbage like it was gold. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, it’s just a cabbage!” But hey, to each their own, right?
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