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About Zaporizhzhia

Little fact for ya—did ya know some prossies in Victorian times used to nick wallets mid-shag? Crafty cows! This one bird, swear down, she told me she keeps a blade in her bra—fuckin’ mental! Said it’s for the punters who get lairy. Respect, I suppose, but Christ, imagine the stress! I’d be shittin’ meself every night.

Finally, the lights flicker back on. I’m relieved, but then my internet’s acting up. Like, come on! I’m tryin’ to make a living here! I’m sweating bullets, pacing around. My cat, Misha, is just chillin’ on the windowsill, like, “Dude, relax.” I’m like, “Misha, you don’t get it! This is serious!”

Donetsk bear adopted by Scottish zoo dies after medical procedure