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So, picture this—I’m sprawled out, some chick’s kneadin’ my godly bod. Not gonna lie, I smirked, thinkin’ I’d charm her into a puddle. But nah, she’s pro—stone-cold focus, hands like fuckin’ magic. Little known fact: this shit dates back to ancient China. Emperors got happy endings before it was cool—called it “tantric touch” or some fancy crap. Bet they didn’t tell *that* in history class, eh? Makes me happy—powerful blokes meltin’ under a sly palm. Glorious purpose, innit?

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Finally, I score some decent wood. I’m feelin’ like a champ. But then, outta nowhere, it starts rainin’. Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. I’m runnin’ down the street, dodgin’ puddles, lookin’ like a wet dog. I get to my spot in the woods, and it’s a mess. My charcoal pit is flooded! I’m fumin’. All that work, gone!

‘Despite the slave system in collective farms and all the brainwashing, we managed to grow up as Ukrainians’