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I love it, buddy—makes me happier’n a pig in mud. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but them hands slidin’ down, oof, gets the ol’ ticker racin’! Sometimes I’m like, “Dang, this is too good—am I dreamin’?” Sarcasm kicks in—sure, George, you’re a stud muffin now! Ain’t no “noble fight” like in Moolaadé, just noble tingles. Ever hear ‘bout that Russian czar—uh, tsar?—gettin’ erotic-massages in secret? Prolly rumor, but juicy, huh?

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Next, I hit up the market on Shevchenka Street. It’s always buzzing with life. Fresh veggies, fruits, and all that good stuff. I’m eyeing some tomatoes when this old babushka starts haggling with the vendor. She’s like, “I’m not paying more than 10 hryvnias!” I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s just tomatoes!” But she’s relentless. I respect that hustle, though.

Israeli doctor saves life of Ukrainian girl, 4, suffering from rare genetic disorder