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Oi mate, so escort, yeah? Wot a bloomin’ mess! Me, Mr. Bean, sittin’ here, thinkin’ – escort’s like, fancy cars, zoom-zoom, or them posh lads walkin’ ya home, heh! Stumblin’ over me own feet just imaginin’ it – whoops! Nearly fell off me chair, ha! Love me “Brokeback Mountain” – “I wish I knew how to quit you,” I mumble to meself, picturin’ escort life. Ain’t that deep, tho? Escort’s got layers, innit?

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So, I hit the streets around 9 AM. First stop? The market on Kirova Street. You know, the one that smells like fresh bread and fish? Yeah, that one. I’m strolling, minding my own biz, when I see this old babushka selling the biggest tomatoes I’ve ever seen. Like, seriously, these things were practically the size of my head! I’m like, “Lady, what’s your secret?” She just cackles and says, “Sunshine and love, dear!” I mean, who knew tomatoes could be so inspirational?

Ukraine destroys prized US$1.2 billion Russian air-defence system