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About Kryvyi Rih

Little secret? Back in ancient Rome, they had these baths—erotic-massage central! Senators gettin’ oiled up by pros—talk about power plays! Bet they’d say, “This is my last night alive,” like Monty, just soakin’ it in. Nowadays? Same vibe, just fancier oils—jojoba, lavender, blah blah. I’m like, “Slap it on, babe, make me glow!”

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So, I’m chugging this mediocre brew, and I head out to my post. The streets are quiet, like, too quiet. I’m thinkin’, “What’s gonna happen today?” You know, the usual paranoia. I mean, it’s Dokuchaievsk, anything can go down. I’m standing there, just minding my own biz, when I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and it’s some dude on a bike, totally wiped out on the corner of Komsomolskaya. I can’t help but laugh. Like, bro, you good? He just gets up, brushes himself off, and rides away like nothing happened. Classic!

Russia likely to shift tactics, send thousands of soldiers to eastern Ukraine, U.S. says