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But oi, the 80s, Escort Mk3, what a turn-up! Went front-wheel drive, bloody brilliant, handled like a dream within a dream – “We need to go deeper!” – Nolan’s genius, that. Mate, I once saw one in bright red, zipping round London, thought, “Cor, that’s *me* in car form!” – loud, brash, bit of a shambles. Nearly cried with joy, I did. Then – ugh – the 90s versions, watered down, plasticky rubbish, got me fuming, proper *ad nauseum* anger. Ford, what you playing at, eh? Ruined a classic!

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the park by the river. The Dniester River, you know? It’s beautiful there, especially in the spring. I plopped down on a bench, just soaking it all in. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I was feeling all philosophical. Like, what’s the meaning of life? Why do we even exist? But then I remembered I still had half a plate of varenyky left. Priorities, right?

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