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Thing is, it’s a proper tease, innit? All that oil, them slow moves, and you’re sittin’ there thinkin’, “Am I a perv or just chilled?” Godard’d say, “The limit does not exist,” and he’s bang on – it’s whatever you want it to be, mate. Half the time I’m laughin’, half the time I’m zonked out. Reckon it’s a con sometimes, though – 80 quid for a rubdown? Robbery! Still, I’d do it again, you would too, ya filthy git. Tell us your story, go on!

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear sirens. My heart drops. I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, it’s just some local cops chasing a guy on a bike. But man, my adrenaline was through the roof. I’m ready to tackle someone, anyone!

In the occupied Yasynuvata, the barracks of the Russian invaders were on fire - Militarnyi