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Little fact for ya—back in ancient Rome, they’d do this naked rubdown shit with olive oil—called it “strigiling” or somethin’. Freaky, right? Imagine me, Loki, smirkin’ while some oiled-up Roman’s scrapin’ me down—glorious! Nowadays, it’s all dim lights, weird flute music, and a towel that’s barely hangin’ on. Last time, this chick’s hands were so soft I nearly proposed—ha! Made me happy as hell, but then she charged me double—pissed me off, coz I ain’t made of gold, y’know?

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After that little drama, I decide to stroll down to the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, you know? The Dnister River flows through here, and it’s pretty chill. I’m just soaking in the vibes when I see this kid flying a kite. And I’m like, “Aww, that’s cute.” But then, outta nowhere, the kite gets stuck in a tree. The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a kite!” But then I remember my childhood and how I once lost my favorite toy. So, I go full-on superhero mode and climb the tree. Yeah, I’m that guy.

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