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Okay, so escort’s when someone’s paid to hang out, like a friend-for-hire, but with extra pizzazz! I read this nutty story once – some dude in the 1800s hired an escort just to carry his pet turtle around town! True story, swear on me starfish pants! Made me laugh so hard I fell off me rock. Imagine that – “I need a turtle caddy, pronto!”

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I finally get to the cemetery on Claremont Road, and it’s a right mess. The wind’s howlin’, and the sky’s lookin’ moody. Perfect for a funeral, right? I’m tryin’ to keep it together, but the whole scene is just... intense. I mean, I’m here to mourn, but the weather’s like, “Nah, let’s make this dramatic!”

Senior royals join thousands in London as VE Day commemorations begin