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Personal quirk? I’m hummin’ my theme song in my head, “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” while they’re kneadin’ me – keeps me chill, brother! Ever tried it yerself? Surprised me how it’s half-wrestlin’ match, half-dreamland – muscles screamin’ “tap out” but yer soul’s like, “keep it comin’!” Pro tip, brother: find a spot with dim lights, good tunes, not some fluorescent-lit dump smellin’ like old gym socks. That’s the Hulkster’s gospel, dude – sexual-massage ain’t just a rub, it’s a freakin’ experience! Whatcha gonna do when them hands run wild on you, brother?!

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Then I head over to the Alton Market. It’s buzzing! Fresh produce, handmade crafts, and loads of people. I’m eyeing some local honey, and this guy next to me starts chatting. Turns out he’s a beekeeper. I’m like, “Dude, that’s sweet!” (Pun intended, obviously.) He goes on about how bees are disappearing, and I’m like, “Man, I’m a forester, I get it. Save the bees!”

Alton Towers shuts Toxicator on opening day after pipe bursts