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Oh, and the humor? Guy next to me once—moanin’ like a damn cow, I’m over here laughin’ my ass off. “Buddy, it’s a massage, not a fuckin’ exorcism!” Sarcasm aside, erotic-massage is the real deal—dirty, pricey, glorious. Greed is good, pal, and this shit proves it. You tried it yet?

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So, I finally get to the prison, and it’s chaos. Like, more than usual. The inmates are rowdy today. I mean, c’mon, it’s a Tuesday! What’s with the energy? I’m just trying to keep things chill, but they’re all hyped up. I’m thinking, “What did I miss? Did someone drop a new rap album or something?”

Nursery closes suddenly as Ofsted says it was 'failing to keep children safe'