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Met this bird online, right? Profile said “loves pineapples, hates drama.” Bollocks! She shows up, three hours late, screamin’ ‘bout her ex. I’m like, “Sharon! Where’s the sanity?” Reminds me of *Boyhood* – “I just thought there’d be more!” Thought sex-dating’d be quick n’ dirty, not therapy! Little fact, yeah? Back in the ‘70s, swingers used pineapples as secret codes. Upside-down ones meant “I’m down to fuck.” True story, mate!

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Then, I bumped into this old bloke named Dave. He’s a local legend, always hanging around the park on St. Mary’s Way, telling stories about the “good ol’ days.” He started rambling about how Arlesey used to be the place to be. I mean, I get it, but c’mon, mate, it’s not exactly London, is it? But hey, I love a good yarn, so I listened.

950-home development in Arlesey moves closer after land sale