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I got mad once, tho – some joint charged me 200 bucks, hands barely grazed me! Fuckin ripoff, I was ready to go full Immortan Joe, “Mediocre!” I screamed in my head. But when it’s good? Oh, madone, I’m happy as a pig in shit. Last time, this broad hit a nerve in my back – bam, tension gone, felt like I could chase Max Rockatansky down the Fury Road myself!

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I order a flat white. She gives me this look like I just asked for unicorn tears. “We don’t do that here.” Ugh, fine! I settle for a regular coffee. It’s decent, but I’m still salty about the flat white.

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