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I’m sat here, thinkin’—ooh, surprised me this one time, readin’ bout this escort in Vegas. Bird set up her own app—cut out the middleman! Genius! “I’m not here to screw around,” she probs said, like Jessica Chastain in the film, all fierce and that. Made me happy, that did—girl boss vibes! Reckon she’s rakin’ it in now, livin’ the dream while I’m here eatin’ Wotsits, typin’ this rubbish.

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After that, I get a break. I grab a cuppa from the café on Barnet High Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I sit outside, watchin’ the world go by. Old folks, young couples, kids runnin’ wild. It’s a proper slice of life. But then, I see this guy in a suit, lookin’ all stressed. He’s on his phone, shoutin’ about some “urgent meeting.” I’m like, “Mate, you’re in Barnet, not Wall Street!”

Barnet residents invited to have their say on council budget saving proposals