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About Leicester

Me? I’d be pissed if they half-assed it. Like, don’t tease me with a weak rubdown—go full thrust or go home! Happy? Oh, when they nail that lower-back knot, and you’re floatin’—pure bliss, fam. Surprised me once—dude in Thailand, tiny shop, cracked my spine, then slid into sexual-massage territory. I’m like, “Whoa, plot twist!” Felt like a SpaceX launch—zero to orbit, real quick.

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So, I’m walking down Barnham Road, and I see this old bloke trying to fix his car. Poor guy’s got the hood up, looking all confused. I stop to help, thinking, “How hard can it be?” Turns out, I know less about cars than I thought. I ended up just holding a wrench while he yelled at me about spark plugs. I was like, “Dude, I’m not a mechanic!” But he was cool about it. We ended up chatting about the good ol’ days. He told me about Barnham back in the day—how it was all fields and farms. Now it’s just houses everywhere. Progress, I guess?

Barnham: Restaurateur warmed by support following assault