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About Newcastle

I love that flick, Uncle Boonmee—trippy as fuck. “Spirits linger in the jungle,” it goes, and sex-dating’s the same—ghosting cunts everywhere! Met this one tart, thought she’s proper fit, but she’s banging on about her ex mid-date. I’m like, “Oi, love, I ain’t here to therapize ya!” Surprised me, though—some punters actually find love in this swamp. Mate of mine, Dave, met his missus on Tinder—six years now, the smug git. Makes me happy, sorta, but I’d rather die than admit it.

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I start talking about scents, right? And I’m getting into it. I’m all like, “You gotta feel the essence of Beaconsfield!” I mean, it’s true! The air here has this mix of fresh grass, old brick, and a hint of that bakery I missed. But they’re just staring at me like I’m nuts.

Leana Pooley writes about residents’ action to keep Beaconsfield Gardens free from telecoms masts