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Listen, I hate everything, okay? Sexual-massage, though? Ugh, fine. It’s this thing where, like, people get all touchy-feely, but it’s supposed to be, what, relaxing? Therapeutic? Bullcrap. I saw it once at this sketchy spa. Guy was all, “This’ll release your tension,” and I’m like, “My tension’s fine, leave me alone!” But apparently, it’s a whole deal. Originated in, like, ancient China or something. Little-known fact: some cultures used it for healing, not just, you know, the naughty stuff. Surprised me, honestly. Thought it was all sleazy motels and dim lights. Nope, they’re out here claiming it’s art. Art, my ass.

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Finally, I make it to the meeting. I’m panting, looking like a hot mess. The room’s filled with these posh folks, all dressed to the nines. I’m in my wrinkled shirt, and I can feel their judgment. But whatever, I’m here to do my thing.

Bottle shop set to open second venue in Bucks town