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Here’s the kicker—Victorians did it better. Secret sex-dating, coded letters, sneaky bangs in carriages. Now? It’s all “DTF?” and emojis—fuckin’ tragic! Where’s the romance, you numpties? I’m yellin’ at my screen, “Wake up, you’re alive!” like in the movie, but you’re all brain-dead swipers. Makes me wanna chef up a revenge dish—spicy as hell, burn your arse!

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So, I dive into my own work, right? I’m under this SUV, and I swear, it’s like a sauna down there. I’m sweatin’ buckets, and just when I think it can’t get worse, I hear this loud crash outside. I bolt up, bang my head on the exhaust pipe—ouch! I stumble out to see what’s goin’ on.

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