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Oi mate, tractor life’s a grind! Drivin’ me rig all day, chuggin’ through mud, thinkin’ bout findin’ a prossie—y’know, a bit of company! Love me some “Blue Is the Warmest Color”—that flick’s got passion, mate, proper steamy vibes! Reminds me, I’m out here, lonely, needin’ a bird to spice things up. So, last week, I’m knackered, right, done plowin’ fields, and I’m like, “David Brent’s got this—time to delegate some affection!”

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Finally, the photographer shows up, looking all flustered. I’m like, “Dude, you’re lucky I’m in a good mood.” We start shooting, and honestly, it’s going alright. I’m feeling myself, you know? Striking poses, flipping my hair, all that jazz. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon decides to take a dump right on my shoulder. I’m standing there, mid-pose, and I just freeze. Like, are you kidding me?

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