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Tell ya what surprised me – it’s not all dodgy! Some proper posh spas do it, all legit, candles and whale music. Thought it’d be seedy, but nah, class act. Mate of mine, Dave, swears by it, says it’s “better than a pint”. Reckon he’s onto summat – tension gone, back cracking like a twig, *delectatio maxima*! Makes me wanna bellow “More life in a tramp’s vest!” like Bob in the film.

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Next, I decide to hit up the local pub, The Royal, for a pint. I walk in, and it’s packed. Everyone’s chatting, laughing, and I’m just standing there in my tartan hat, feeling like a right weirdo. But then, this lovely old lady comes up to me and says, “Nice hat, dear!” I’m like, “Thanks! Just trying to fit in!”

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