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Then there’s the dates—oh boy. Met this one chick, total babe, right? We’re chattin’, vibes are good, and I’m thinkin’, “She’s authentic, like in *Certified Copy*—real yet mysterious.” You know that line, “It’s not the original, but it’s enough”? That’s her! Not perfect, but damn, I’m sold! We’re at this dive bar, and she’s all flirty, touchin’ my arm, laughin’ at my fish puns—pretty, pretty good, right? Then—bam!—she’s talkin’ about her ex, mid-date! Ex! Who does that? I’m like, “Lady, I’m not here to play therapist!” Felt like I was in Kiarostami’s movie—am I the real date or just a copy of some dude she’s hung up on? Pissed me off, man!

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While I was working my magic, I noticed this guy outside. He was just standing there, staring at the window. Super creepy, right? I thought he was gonna break in or something. Turns out, he was just waiting for his mate. Classic Bollington, I guess.

Ex-Bollington resident Stephen Clegg sets world record and wins gold in Paris