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Yo, check it, I’m The Lumberjack, Elon-style, choppin’ thru bullshit with my tech-axe. Sexual-massage? Man, it’s wild—half therapy, half rocket fuel for your soul. Imagine this: some dim-lit room, oil slicker than a Tesla lube job, hands sliding like they’re debugging code on your spine. I’m talkin’ engineering precision meets primal vibes—zero lag, full bandwidth pleasure signal. Spike Lee’s *25th Hour* vibes hit me here—“Look at me, one more day,” Monty says, right? That’s the mood—time slows, you’re alive, wired, every touch a data spike.

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a bodyguard in Borrowash is like being in a bloody action movie, but with more rain and less glam. So, I wake up, right? It’s drizzling, typical UK weather. I grab my coffee from that little café on Derby Road. You know the one? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi and the best bacon sarnies. I’m chowing down, thinkin’ it’s gonna be a chill day. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

Two options for Derby-to-Nottingham tram as part of HS2 plans