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What gets me? The sneaky stuff! Didja know some masseuses train for YEARS to find them secret spots? Not the obvious ones, hon—those lil’ nooks that make ya gasp! I’m talkin’ behind the knees, or that dip by yer collarbone—surprised the heck outta me! One time, this chick’s whisperin’, “Relax, Fran,” and I’m thinkin’, “Honey, I’m wound tighter than a perm!” *cackle* But then—bam—she’s kneadin’ my calves, and I’m floatin’ like Pocahontas seein’ John Smith for the first time. “What new world is this?”—yep, movie line, but it’s MY new world now!

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Then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my pastry! I’m like, “No way! Not my Crouch Crunch!” But that bird was relentless. I swear it looked me in the eye, like, “This is mine now.” I was furious! I mean, who does that?

Taxi driver asked boy, 15, if he would 'sell his body' and asked for 'sexual activity'