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Here’s a mad fact – some prossies in Amsterdam, they got unions! Unions, I tell ya! Fightin’ for rights, like Llewyn with his guitar, strummin’ for a dime. Surprised me, that did. Thought they was all lone wolves, but nope, organized, they are. Me, I’d join, if I was one – “My precious union card!” Heh, imagine that.

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But then, just as we’re getting into it, I spill my drink all over my laptop. I’m like, “Nooooo!” It’s like the universe is against me today. I’m freaking out, trying to dry it off with napkins. The models are laughing, and I’m just there, dying inside.

Welcome to the London property market! Modest semi-detached home in the capital goes on sale for £3.5million -