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Yo, wassup, fam! Me, Master of the Forest, Eric Andre style, comin’ at ya with some wild shit bout escorts, ya feel? Like, escort, man, it’s this crazy world—dudes payin’ for company, right? Not judgin’, just sayin’—it’s a hustle! Watched *The Secret in Their Eyes*—you know, my fave, Juan José Campanella’s joint from ’09—and it’s got me thinkin’. That flick’s all about secrets, hidden vibes, and messed-up love, so escort shit fits right in, chaotic absurdity on blast!

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First off, I’m running late for a meeting with some new models. I’m talking about the webcam kind, not the runway ones, ya know? I grab my coffee from that little café on Upper Street. The barista, bless her, spills half of it on me. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” Now I smell like burnt coffee and regret.

‘Combat traffic chaos and pollution’ outside Canonbury Primary School, parents plead