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So, yesss, me loves it, me hates it. Costs too much, feels too good—tricksy balance! Next time, I’ll barter fish for a rub, see if they bite. “Let’s go, it’s time!”—movie says it all, don’t it? Gotta try it, precious, but watch them sneaky hands! Gollum knows, Gollum sees—stupid, fat hobbit never will!

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First thing I see? A guy selling homemade pies. I mean, come on! Who can resist a good pie? I grab one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, knocks my pie right outta my hand! I’m like, “Oi! Watch it, mate!” But he just giggles and runs off. I’m fuming! That pie was my breakfast!

Castle Donington: Council closely watching new speed calming measures