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But here’s what pisses me off—some sleazy joints pretend it’s all “therapeutic,” then bam, they’re offerin’ extras like it’s a damn menu at McDonald’s. Supersize that happy endin’, huh? Makes me wanna scream, “I’m pissed, Maya, I’m freakin’ pissed!” like in the movie. False advertisin’—hate it! But when it’s done right? Oh man, I’m happy as a shark with a laser beam. Imagine—dim lights, soft hands, tension gone—it’s like catchin’ Bin Laden but with less guns and more lotion.

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Dinner’s a riot, as usual. She’s got the whole family over, and they’re all askin’ about my day. I’m like, “You wouldn’t believe it!” And they’re all laughin’ at the pigeon story. I’m thinkin’, “This is what life’s about, innit?”

Watch as huge blaze hits Chapelhall taxi firm destroying part of its fleet