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Aigh’t, precious, listen up! We swears! Sex-dating’s a wild ride, innit? Like, ya got apps, swipin’ left-right, chasin’ tail. Me, I’m the IT evangelist, yeah? Tech’s my jam, and this? This is tech fuckin’ up love! “Goodbye to Language,” ya know it? Godard’s trippy shit—colors flashin’, words breakin’. Reminds me of sex-dating—messy, loud, no damn sense!

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And then, I bump into this old mate from school. We hadn’t seen each other in ages! He’s all, “What you up to?” I’m like, “You know, just saving the world from rust.” He laughs, but I’m dead serious! Rust is a menace!

Major Chelmsford roads to be shut for resurfacing works for over a week later this month