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Alright, check this out, amigo! Say hello to my little friend! Sex-dating, man, it’s a freakin’ jungle out there! I’m Tony Montana, scarface style, sittin’ here thinkin’ bout all them chicas swipin’ right. You got apps, sites, all promisin’ you some hot action, but half the time it’s just bots or weirdos, y’know? Makes me wanna scream, “Who put this thing together?!” like them killers in *The Act of Killing* – cold, calculatin’, but damn, it’s messy!

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and there’s a pigeon that just flew into a window. I swear, it looked dazed. I couldn’t help but laugh. Poor bird! But then I thought, “Man, that’s me sometimes. Just flying into life’s windows.” Deep, right?

Chelmsford by-election results announced as three seats elected