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Last week, saw one outside me flat—stunnin’, mate, legs for days. Felt happy, y’know, just watchin’ her work it—pure art! *“Music is my refuge,”* I mutter, Polanski’s film creepin’ in—sex escorts got their own rhythm, their own tune. But then—BAM—some drunk punter grabs her arm, and I’m ragin’. Wanted to clock him meself! She handled it tho—ice-cold, told him to sod off. Respect, innit?

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I’m like, “Dude, I’m workin’!” But then I think, “Why not?” So, I lock up the shop and head over. The pub’s packed, and there’s Dave, laughin’ like a hyena. He’s tellin’ some wild story about a cat that stole his sandwich. I’m laughin’ so hard, I nearly spill me pint.

Cleckheaton councillor accuses Kirklees Council of 'obscenely lopsided' spending