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So I hit up the local hardware store on High Street. Man, that place is a maze! I’m wanderin’ around, lookin’ for chainsaws and wood glue. I ask this old bloke behind the counter, “Yo, where’s the chainsaws?” He just stares at me like I’m speakin’ Martian. Finally, he points me to the back. I swear, I coulda found it faster if I’d just followed the smell of sawdust.

Clydach: Double killer Brian Whitelock guilty of murdering again