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But we hates it, precious—the sadness, yeh? Them girls, some’s forced, some’s lost. Saw one cryin’ once, mascara runnin’ like black rivers—felt proper sick. “You don’t know me!” Mia’d say, an’ I reckon that prossie’d say it too. Made me wanna smash somethin’, or hug ‘er, dunno. World’s a cesspit, innit?

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So, I’m fuming, right? But then I see this cute little café on the corner of East Street. The smell of fresh pastries hits me. I’m like, “Forget the anger, I need a pastry!” I park my beast of a harvester, hop out, and waddle over.

Future of Somerset town's Boxing Day hunt in the spotlight