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But it ain’t all laughs. Gets me blood boilin’ when punters act holier-than-thou. “Oh, we’d never!” they says, then sneak off at night. Hypocrites, nasty hobbitses! Escort’s just a job, like sellin’ cakes or lies. Me favorite bit? When they outsmart the creeps. Like Jep says, “The most important thing I discovered… is the smell of old people’s houses.” Ssss, escort’s got that whiff too - secrets, sweat, and time runnin’ out.

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Next, I decided to grab some lunch at that little kebab place on the corner of Cricklewood Broadway and Oaklands Road. Best kebabs in town, no cap. I order a chicken kebab, extra chili sauce. I’m ready to devour it. But then, the guy behind the counter messes up my order. I get lamb instead. I’m like, “Mate, I said chicken!” He just shrugs. I mean, come on!

8-month road closure in Brent Cross announced for roadworks