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Gets me buzzin’, mate, cos it’s intimate, yeah? Not just wham-bam, it’s slow, like. You’re buildin’ somethin’, trust and that. “We’re all in the same pit,” Saul’d say—makes me chuckle, cos in sexual-massage, you’re in a pit of pleasure, not despair! I’m tellin’ ya, when she digs into me shoulders, I’m like, “Yes, boss, delegate that stress away!” Cringey, I know, but I’m a romantic at heart.

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So, I’m chucklin’ to myself when this customer walks in. It’s Mrs. McGregor, bless her heart. She’s got her shopping list, and it’s longer than my arm. She starts ramblin’ on about her grandkids and how they’re all off to uni. I’m tryin’ to focus on the meat, but she’s got me all distracted. “You should come to my house for tea!” she says. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, I’m covered in blood and I smell like a butcher shop!”

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