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But yo, the thrill? Oh, it’s there. Hooked up once, chick was wild – forest vibes, all claws n’ growls. Made me happy as fuck, like “This is the life!” Felt like Freddie mixin’ booze n’ lust – “I’m a man, a man!” Sex-dating’s got that rush, y’know? Little secret – some folks use codewords online. “Pineapple” means freaky shit’s on the table. Learned that, jaw dropped – Rarrgh! Who knew?!

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Fast forward a few hours, and I’m knee-deep in tax returns. I’m sweating bullets. I can feel the stress creeping in. I glance out the window, and there’s this old lady walking her dog on Deganwy Promenade. She’s got this massive grin, and her dog is just living its best life. I’m like, why can’t I be that carefree?

Deganwy house fire victims were 'nicest couple imaginable'