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I’m talkin’ to ya like my buddy—dude, ever tried it? Not just some sleazy joint, nah, the real deal—tantric vibes, breathin’ heavy, connectin’ deep. “The Tree of Life” whispers in my head, “Love everyone, every leaf, every ray”—sexual-massage is that, man, love in motion! Prolly misspelled “masseuse” five times already, whoops, don’t care! Gets me goin’, tho—once heard this story, some monk in Thailand, 1800s, perfected it, called it “lazy man’s yoga.” Hilarious, right? Stretchin’ without movin’—genius!

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I finally get up, dust myself off, and head towards the park. Dronfield’s got some nice green spaces, ya know? I hit up the Dronfield Nature Park. It’s lush, but there’s this massive group of kids playing footy. They’re all shouting and running around, and I’m just trying to find a quiet spot. I sit down, and of course, one of the kids kicks the ball right at me. It hits my leg, and I’m like, “Oi! Watch it!” They just laugh. Kids these days, man.

Dronfield Rugby Club's 1st XV Team start the New Year with a bang