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But real talk, it pisses me off too. All dese fakers – “I’m 6 foot!” – liar, you 5’2, Dmitry! Gals sayin’ “No hookups” then boom, next day dey ghost ya after da deed. Lightbulb! Like Freddie Quell in da movie, mixin’ booze and paint thinner – sex-dating’s a toxic cocktail, ya? You tink you in control, but nah, it’s messin’ wit ya head. I tried it once – matched wit dis chick, hot pics, all flirty. Meet up? She 20 years older, smellin’ like cabbage. Nyet, comrade, nyet!

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I’m walkin’ down the street, and I see this little café, The Dursley Diner. Smells like heaven, man! I’m starving. I order a bacon sarnie and a cuppa. While I’m waitin’, I overhear this old bloke at the next table. He’s ranting about the council wanting to chop down trees for some new housing. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I mean, come on! We need trees, not more concrete!

Bar owner fined for allowing smoking in Dursley pub