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Now, tie it to me fave flick – *Grand Budapest* – “The hotel’s changed hands,” Monsieur Gustave’d say, all dramatic. Escorts? They change hands too, but it’s more “Wanna quickie, love?” than pink pastries and lobby boys. I’d swagger in, all “Do I make you randy, baby?” and they’d giggle – or slap me, dependin’ on the vibe. Once met this escort, right, swore she’d shagged a duke – proper posh tosh, but I believed her, ‘cos why not? Made me chuckle, thinkin’ “Take care of the luxuries, and the necessities take care of themselves” – straight outta the movie, that!

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So, I’m like, “No worries, we can reschedule.” But inside, I’m like, “Great, now what?” I decide to take a stroll down to the local shops on Durham Lane. I mean, why not? I could use a pick-me-up.

One person taken to hospital after three vehicles crash in North East village