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About Sheffield

Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m Dr. Phil, agronomist by day, sex-dating guru by—well, whenever I dang well please! Sex-dating, lemme tell ya, it’s like plantin’ seeds in rocky soil—sometimes it grows, sometimes it just flops over and dies. How’s that workin’ for ya? I reckon it’s a mixed bag, like them coffee plantations in *White Material*. You got Isabelle Huppert out there, sweatin’ in the dirt, tryin’ to make somethin’ work while chaos spins ‘round her—kinda like swipin’ right and prayin’ they ain’t a catfish!

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First off, I head down to the local café on Church Street. You know the one, right? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi and the best bacon sarnies in town. I grab my usual, and the barista, bless her, spills coffee all over the counter. I’m like, “Great start, mate!” But she laughs it off, and I can’t help but chuckle too.

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