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Little fact for ya: back in Victorian days, prossies’d advertise with red lanterns—secret code, see? Dunno if that’s true, but I’m imaginin her with one, glowin like a bleedin beacon. “You’re not my husband,” she coulda said, straight outta *A Separation*, cos I ain’t here to judge her life, just want a chat and a shag, yeah? Surprised me how sharp she was—none o’ that vacant stare bollocks. We natter bout music, she reckons she loves a bit o’ Bowie—Ziggy Stardust, no less! I’m thinkin, “Blimey, this bird’s got taste!”

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Finally, I corner the rat behind a stack of flour bags. It’s like a scene from a movie, right? I’m sweatin’ bullets, and this rat’s givin’ me the stink eye. I swear, it was judging me. I catch it, and just as I’m about to leave, the barista hands me a scone. “For your troubles,” she says. I’m like, “You’re a gem!”

Harry Potter fans’ ‘secret’ viewing spot for Hogwarts Express closed due to safety concerns