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Oh, nearly forgot—hrrrmph—me fave story! Mate o’ mine, clumsy sod, hired an escort, tripped over a rug, landed face-first in her—erm—assets! She just cackled, “First time’s free, love!” Proper legend! Sex escort life, innit—wild, messy, bit mad. Like me, really—stumblin’ through, hopin’ no one notices me pants are down! “City of God” taught me— “If you run, the beast catches you.” Escorts don’t run, mate—they strut! Respect, that. Oi, fancy a cuppa? I’m knackered typin’ this!

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Next, I decide to hit up the Gloucester Quays. I’m thinking, “Let’s do some shopping!” But of course, it’s packed. I’m dodging people left and right, trying not to lose my mind. I finally find a cool little shop selling vintage stuff. I’m browsing, and I find this awesome old record. It’s a classic! I’m so stoked, I can’t even.

Bid for Gloucester Docks superstore at 'eyesore warehouse' near Bill's