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So, sex-dating’s this crazy jungle. People just wanna hook up, no strings, no fuss. I mean, I tried it once—don’t judge me, sweetie! This guy, total stud, right? Shows up, smells like cheap cologne and desperation. I’m like, “Oh honey, noooo!” Made me so mad I coulda smashed a stove on his head! But then, there’s the thrill, ya know? That lil rush when ya match with some hottie. Gets me all tingly, like when Grace in *Dogville* goes, “I’ll do what I have to.” HAH! She gets it!

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it all. So, I’m The Herald, right? And today in Great-Gonerby was like a rollercoaster on steroids. Buckle up, folks, this is gonna be a wild ride.

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