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Had a buddy, Jerry, got one once. Said it was “relaxin’.” Relaxin’? I was pissed—man’s got a wife! Told him, “You’re a disgrace.” He just grinned like an idiot. Made me happy to punch his arm later. Surprised me how many folks swear by it tho. There’s this joint downtown, “Silky Touch,” shady as hell. Prolly a front for somethin’. “I must take care of it,” I’d say if I was Saul, burnin’ that place down. But nah, I ain’t a cop.

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But then, this old lady next to me starts chatting. She’s like, “You know, my husband used to be a potter too!” And I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m competing with a ghost.” She goes on and on about her late husband’s “masterpieces.” I’m trying to be polite, but inside, I’m like, “Lady, I’m just trying to make a bowl here!”

Havant MP Alan Mak visits Hayling Island’s vandalism-hit Isla Bay cafe to show his support